


the cords of their sins hold them fast

by astreindre



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 05:24:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11662485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astreindre/pseuds/astreindre
Summary: This is his third Sunday in a row spent helping out at a church function. Amanda's pretty confused, and why wouldn't she be? Her dad's never cared about Jesus before. What he does care about, though, for better or worse...He's already been seen with Joseph at two functions. People will expect him to be here, and they'll talk if he isn't.





	the cords of their sins hold them fast

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first fic i've written and completed in at least a decade, and it's about adulterous dads. how did i get here?
> 
> thanks to charlie and bri for encouraging me. the title is from the bible, proverbs 5:22. _"The evil deeds of the wicked ensnare them; the cords of their sins hold them fast."_

Peter isn't religious. He never has been, and he doesn't think he ever really will be — God, Jesus, all that stuff? It's not for him. He wasn't raised that way, has never felt called by it, and he's never even regretted that fact. He gets more than enough fulfillment out of his life through his relationship with Amanda, his runs with Craig, his... word jumbles. Until recently, he hadn't even stepped foot inside a church.

This is his third Sunday in a row spent helping out at a church function. Amanda's pretty confused, and why wouldn't she be? Her dad's never cared about Jesus before. What he does care about, though, for better or worse...

He's already been seen with Joseph at two functions. People will expect him to be here, and they'll talk if he isn't. Peter was okay with the idea of people talking about them when he thought _they_ would be happy, despite that — when he'd thought that Joseph was going to leave his wife and they'd have each other, no matter what anyone else said — but now he's just that asshole who slept with a married man. It wouldn't just affect him and Joseph, Mary would be dragged into it as well — _Amanda_ would be. Peter's man enough to admit that he and Joseph probably have some gossip coming their way, karmically speaking, but Mary and Amanda don't deserve that. All he can do to stave off judgmental whispers is keep showing up to bake sales and youth group meetings, at least until he can come up with a reason to stop going.

What that reason will be, he has no idea. Peter is... honestly sort of worried he'll never find one. That no matter what happens, the masochist in him will keep him coming back, just to be able to be around Joseph.

Not that he even really... Look, that door is closed. Peter _knows_ it's closed. He wouldn't want to reopen it, even if he could. Apparently he's the kind of asshole who will sleep with a married man, but he's not the kind of asshole who'll turn it into a full-blown affair, and he's _especially_ not the kind of asshole who'll pursue someone after they tell him no. He and Joseph are never happening again. Peter knows that.

But he can't help wanting to be around him still. He can't help feeling like without him around, Joseph has no one who's willing to look through the act without hating him for putting it on. Peter doesn't really know how he feels about Joseph right now, but he knows he doesn't hate him.

Doesn't hate him, but still has questions. Questions he has mostly accepted he'll never get answers to, yes — _was any of it real? do you regret any of it? what really happened between you and robert? what happened when you were younger to drive you to this life? why_ me _?_ — but there's one... There's one that hasn't left Peter alone. One question out of dozens that he keeps coming back to, that he just can't put to bed. It's been weeks since Amanda's graduation party, and Peter still lies awake at night, running over this question in his head. He'd told himself that he'd just have to let this one go too, but —

— but Joseph heads into the church, and no one follows him. Something about needing more chairs to finish the set-up — they're putting on an outdoor showing of _The Prince of Egypt_ , and more people showed up than they'd expected. For a moment, Peter hesitates, acutely aware of Mary's presence just yards away. No matter what he was really following Joseph for, she'd jump to conclusions — conclusions no one could blame her for jumping to, but still.

He can make this quick. He _will_ make this quick. No one will even notice he's gone, and Mary won't be able to accuse him of anything again. It'll be fine.

Peter follows Joseph into the church, clenching and unclenching his fists, breathing fast. He hasn't been alone with Joseph since the yacht.

Joseph is facing away from him when Peter finds him, focused on gathering more foldable chairs from the storage closet in the back. His shoulders tense when he hears Peter's voice, but he doesn't turn around. He doesn't shift his attention from the chairs.

"Can you be honest with me? For a second?" Peter asks, and even with Joseph's face mostly obscured, he can still see that sharp, painfully fake smile.

"I'm always honest," he says, and the silence that stretches oppressively between them is indicator enough of what Peter thinks of that.

"How often have you taken screwed up, lonely men, made them love you, fucked them, and then left them like it never mattered?" By all rights the question should be angry. Joseph's shoulders are almost around his ears now, expecting it, probably, but... Peter doesn't have the energy for anger. He's tired, and he wants this to be over. He wants to be able to put this behind him. Whatever Joseph's answer, even if he lies, he'll accept it. He just wants to know.

The lack of vitriol seems to surprise Joseph. He's used to Robert, to Mary, and to be faced with someone he's used who isn't tearing into him for it — he leans on the chair in front of him, but still doesn't look back.

"Twice now," he admits, quiet, so quiet Peter might not have heard him if he wasn't listening very closely. Joseph's knuckles are beginning to bleed white where he's gripping the chair back.

"Why?"

For a long moment, Joseph doesn't answer. So long Peter begins to wonder if he even will. He's gotten more than he expected out of this, more honesty than he truthfully expected Joseph was capable of at this point, so... If the conversation ends here, he'll still be satisfied.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with being attracted to men," he says eventually, and Peter believes him. So much of Joseph is an act, is _fake_ — but it's as though in this church, under God's eye (or maybe just Peter's), he's compelled to honesty. "You can be a good Christian and be gay, that's not... I'm a _cool_ minister," he says, though the way he says cool it sounds like he's mocking himself more than anything.

He still hasn't turned around. Honesty seems to pain him, and Peter doesn't know if Joseph could manage it if he had to look someone in the eyes.

"I have a family. I have a wife, I have responsibilities. I've spent years building this life on top of the ashes of the one I left behind. I keep thinking if I can just... exorcise it. Give in, so that I can let it go..."

Peter stares at Joseph's back, his tensed shoulder blades like wings under his polo, and he lets out a long breath. This is beyond him. This is damage that would take a therapist years to unpack, and it could only be done if Joseph wanted it. Maybe someday he will, but for now all he wants is to be able to keep pretending. To keep a vice grip on the life he's built, even if it's nothing more than salt.

"I hope you get what you want, Joseph," Peter says, and he means it. Maybe that's cruel of him — he doesn't mean it to be, but he's tired.

This is it. This is what he was waiting for. Let the rest of Maple Bay gossip — for once, _for once_ , Joseph Christiansen said something true, and Peter was the one who got to hear it.

He turns around, walks out the door, and doesn't look back.

 

( He looks back once. He's across the street, key in his car door, and when he looks up his eyes seek out that pastel polo like they have a mind of their own. Joseph is laughing, the crow's feet lines in the corner of his eyes tight, hand on his chest. No one would know he'd ever stopped smiling at all.

Peter gets in his car, drives away, and never steps foot on church ground again. )


End file.
